Remembering Grandma Yoder

The thing about those that are "in life" (as Ella says) is that it is hard to think about/feel/remember what they used to be like, who they really are (not to say she ever lost the essence of who she was - she was always amazing). Grandma had been on hospice for a while, but her body was finally shutting down more and more. I spent Sunday in Oklahoma - a spontaneous trip because she told me over the phone, "I'd like to give you a hug, but I know that can't happen." Apparently, I like a challenge, so I left Kate, Ella and Jon with the rest of the Wiebes celebrating Christmas and drove down. I got to hug her and hold her hands and mostly just sit with her while she slept. She had not hidden the fact that she was ready to part with this world well before she was on hospice. Seeing her in pain and hallucinating was difficult, and I said a lot of prayers for God to let her time here end and her next stage begin.
   When my mother called yesterday morning to tell me she had passed, my first reaction was relief. She is finally free. It seemed fitting that I was laying on the floor with the girls pinning fabric together when she called. It also seemed fitting that I let the laundry sit unfolded and worked on my sewing projects instead. It wasn't until much later in the day when Jon was home taking care of the girls and I was looking at pictures of her that the initial relief and joy for her faded, and the memories flooded back in. I had been only remembering the "Grandma" of the last few days/weeks/months, and that is only a small part of who she was. I think I've been missing Grandma for a long time. It seems that with death, every memory gets to exist in the present and there is no "now" to override it. So, today I am just letting my self feel sad.

   Someone in small group once asked where each of our safe, special, feel-good places was and my answer (sort of a surprise to myself even) was sitting on vinyl swivel barstools in Grandma's kitchen with her and my mom early in the morning before everyone was awake. I have consciously missed that setting for a long time, but I haven't really grieved about it till now. (Mom, you might have to start waking up earlier again so we can build these memories with my girls.)
   I loved doing puzzles at her house. It was always some combination of Mom, Kari, Marlene, and cousins (possibly including an uncle to steal - or joke about stealing - the last piece.) They usually involved chocolate covered peanuts. And I have such a vivid memory of they way she would hold her upper arm when she reached across the table so it wouldn't stick to or knock off any pieces.
   If we weren't doing puzzles, we were probably playing Skip-Bo, Rummy Cube, or Rack-o. I made a comment once about deserving to win (or some similarly thoughtless remark) and she called me on it. No one deserves anything more than anyone else; it is all a gift from God. I feel like most people in my life, don't call me on things. To this day, I think about the word "deserve" and it's implications.
   Grandma taught me to quilt. (During one of her hallucinations on Sunday, I'm pretty sure she was trying to thread a needle. Just before that, I was holding her hands in the air not knowing what she was trying to do, and she said, "this is fun." Not much felt like fun that day, it that definitely was.) I feel honored to let her love for quilting live on, and I have fabric and pattern chosen for a baby quilt to donate to MCC.
  
  
I'll close with a short conversation Ella and I had after my mom called to share the news of Great Grandma Elsie's death.
Ella: Do you want another hug?
Me: I'll take as many as you have to give.
Ella: Ok. . . I only have two more.

Kate's first 50(ish) words

Kate is such a happy soul. I really get a kick out of her (most of the time) and am so lucky to have a kid like this to spend my days with. Like I did with Ella, I started to keep a list of words Kate would volunteer more than once. I was somewhat concerned that Kate was never going to reach 50 words. I posted Ella's first 50 words when she was 19 months old, and Kate is near 23 months. Goodness knows that she talks plenty, I just don't understand most of it. Ella does a good job at pretending to understand, and we both frequently laugh at the literal things she says. It is fun to see the words that are the same and different between the two of them. I'm struck by how many names Kate includes and that she has numbers (I attribute the latter to playing hide-n-seek.)



mama   dada   meow   dog   woof   duck   no   Jack   down   bubble   Dave   Ella   up   Oma*   Opa   'all done'  Chris   uh-oh   oww   sit   boo  apple   more   bug   Elmo   Dora   one   my(mine!)   hi   bye   two  three   blue   red   yellow   me   train   yeah   honk   shoe   potty   eye   run   cookie   m&m   poop   ant   Jen   hot   sun   book   cheese

Ice cream chin after helping "clean" the ice cream beater and Grandma and Grandpa's.

*Oma, Grandma and Elmo all sound the same most of the time, due to this, I'm not sure when "grandma" officially made the list, but it's been in the mix for a while.

Farm Girls

There is an awesome little farmstead in the KC metro area. (It is free most days which makes it double awesome!)  It can be a little crazy trying to keep track of two energetic little ones on an outing like this, but we made it. The only downfall to the morning was that, due to drizzle, we chose to have our picnic in the car. Even though I forgot their spoons, they were so excited to eat peas out of my hands (my sort-of-cleaned hands) like the goats they fed earlier. Although exhausting as it can be, I have so much fun, and laugh so much with these two squirrels. I would hate my job if I didn't have such great girls to be around.

I wish the wind were coming from the other direction. This makes it look like she is driving backwards. 

This was right before Ella's freak-out. The goats were really excited (i.e. aggressive) about the bottle. I was too busy with the camera to realize how overwhelmed she was. Mama-fail.

Kate was also attacked by the goats when she had the bottle. She kept her cool, but did end up cornered , surrounded by six goats. She just abandoned the bottle. Smart girl. 

Kate was interested in all things goat. She wanted to grab tails, pet them, feed them, poke them; she even attempted to ride one. . . I'm kind of surprised she wasn't bitten.

 

Pictures

because something is better than nothing. 

Champion nappers. 

Our first snowgirl (because Ella insisted it was a girl. I got corrected many a time for calling it a snowman.) Kate wearing what we call her "fft fft pants" because of the noise they make when she walks. Ella helping hold on the obnoxiously long arm. (I made fun of the tiny arms Jon picked out, so he found one I couldn't complain about.) And me. . . because I don't make it into many photos.

Round two of our snowman. (I mean, snowgirl.) Her head fell off due to melt. We repositioned  the decorations, and found a more resonably sized arm. 

Jon and Ella's tower. Piglet's ears touched the ceiling. 

The girls (Kate especially) like to play in the water. Kate has gone so far as to open the closet, pull her step stool out, push it up to the sink, retrieve the pan, and hand it to me. She doesn't have a lot of words, but she gets her point across. She usually needs a dry shirt by the time I'm done making dinner, but it's a small price to pay to avoid her beggin to be held.